7-7-99. The Other Way Journal. 21 Years Old. With each conversation on the phone and in person we seem to hit it off. The makings of a possible relationship have, in my mind, been established and now all that remains is time together. Today we both decided to spend some time with each other, away from the group of people who brought us together. As we talked and listened to one another, there was this sense of inevitability being displayed. We laughed together, smiled at one another, had similar views on various topics and even poked fun of the other, all in an attempt to show interest. The feeling of “fate” being responsible for us being here together, sharing an experience like none other came to mind. Just at that moment it was as if she were reading my mind, she brought up fate. Her view on fate was identical to the ones I’ve focused on in my mind over the years. Could all my past pains, frustrations, wants and ideals regarding loving relationships be answered right here in front of me, with this woman I barely know? In the past I would give up on myself and make the relationship all about them. I’d think about them all the time and not accomplish my own tasks, put off my duties for theirs and even cancel prior engagements with friends all in an attempt to just be with her. Will this time be different for me? I know the pain of being alone and I definitely do not want to go back there. All the more reason I must change from the “give them everything” approach to “hold back a little”.
