7-4-99. The Other Way Journal. 21 years old. Finally, I have allowed God to open my eyes. For the longest time I was afraid to get involved with a woman because I felt I wasn’t good enough and I didn’t want her to be afraid of me possibly being confined to a wheelchair. The root of this fear was completely on the physical and had nothing to do with who I was internally. As a result of this thinking, I didn’t give them a chance to get close to me. I would hear comments like “if they don’t like me for who I am well then tough luck for them”. I tried to adopt this way of thinking and being but it was short lived. After a few days I’d find myself back in the same position I was before, thinking I’m no good and who would want to be with me. I wasn’t being true to myself, the true me, the part of me that exists beyond the physical. As I met people in my life, I started to look at the qualities they possessed which made them stand out in my mind. What drew me to them? What made this person be such a pleasure to be around? What I realized is I enjoyed those people who were who they were, they didn’t try to hide their circumstances and they didn’t care about what their physical appearance looked like. They were true to themselves. They understood they were more than the physical being. And now is the time for me to be who I really am.
