5-12-99. The Other Way Journal. 21 Years old. I’m standing at a bar with some of my friends and the thought ‘what am I doing with my life’ came across my mind. A few of my friends are accomplishing what they set out on 4 years ago when they entered college, while some of my friends are establishing themselves in their career. And then there is me. I’m neither graduating nor working but rather contemplating my life’s path at a BAR. The main reason I left college was because I didn’t want to spend my good health days in school when I may not make it. I want to enjoy my life now and not waste valuable time in school studying for a career of which I may never get to do because my health may get so bad I’ll be in a wheelchair. I want to enjoy my life now and take each day and enjoy that day for what it has to offer, not take that day preparing for next week’s test. I am not really planning for a good future with this reasoning but I don’t want to lose my good health days sitting in a classroom or spending countless hours studying. In the news you hear people dying from all kinds of situations. Take my friend Jeff’s 10 year old neighbor. He crossed a road without looking and was killed by a car. A thought that life can be taken away any time crosses my mind and makes me think ‘is today the day?’ I may not be killed today or tomorrow but with this disorder I have my active future is dying. Why should I spend all this time in college preparing for a future of which I don’t even know if I’ll be a part of? The flip side of this reasoning is I could live for a long time and not have a career, money, and the life of freedom if I don’t prepare now while I still have the strength to do so. However, I just keep coming back to the idea of wasting time in college preparing for an uncertain future.
