2-27-00. The Start of Something New. 22 years old. Nothing seems to go the good way. I tend to always entertain the worst case scenario. I really believe that what you think about does come true and for me there is that doubt always lingering in the back of every good thing that always seems to voice its opinion. Just when things are looking up for me they drop right back down. It is
sort of like someone is out there destroying all of my beginnings and I cannot recover. It’s like I am not good enough because just when I show interest it all changes. There are times when I say why not this one? Why did this girl come into my life and have such a small amount of time in it? I always thought of myself as the marriage type but with all of these failures that have been going on I start to doubt myself and if I am that person I thought I was. The thing that bothers me is I see all these people out there in relationships and how love is missing from them and I see that I have all this love and no one to give it too. Why is this bad streak happening to me? Doesn’t my life have enough struggles in it already? What did I do to deserve so much pain? I wish I could
figure these questions out but I can’t. I don’t like to tell myself this but right now it is really hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I don’t know how to change. I thought that I was changing but what really happened was nothing, no change took place and no matter how much I think I have changed I really haven’t except in a negative way.
