11-10-98.  Kutztown University.  22 years old.  There was a study in which a professor looked at perspectives on life before a life
threatening disease and then after receiving the dire prognosis.  What he found is this.  People who were diagnosed had a good outlook on life.  These people were grateful because they now understood how precious life is and how little time they had left.  The strange thing is up until their diagnosis they said their life had no meaning and was a “routine”.  But once they found out about their disease, they changed their view on life to a more positive one.  This study forced me to examine my own life.  When the doctors informed me of my condition, muscular dystrophy, I was defeated.  Life before my diagnosis was wonderful.  I had a positive outlook on life.  I would find a wife, marry and have children.  My career would be wonderful and fulfilling.  And now my life suddenly felt worthless.  I had visions of ending up in a wheelchair with no one by my side.  For days on end I cried and felt sorry for myself.  I continually asked God “why me?”  I tried my best to hide my newly found condition from people.  However, as I became weaker, physically, it became more difficult to hide the fact that there was something wrong with me.  This in turn affected my mental state.  I saw myself as someone no woman would want to be involved with because soon I’d be in a wheelchair unable to take care of myself.  What woman would want that?  As a result of my thinking, I closed myself off to women getting close to me.  I didn’t come closer to feeling grateful for my life as the people in the study did.  In fact, I grew further apart from my life having meaning.  This is a sad realization for me.  If I want my life to end in similar fashion as the people in this study, then I must change the way I see my life or else my visions will come true.