3-21-07  Self Study Book #1.  29 years old.  Today I was reintroduced to a woman I had met over a year ago at the Muscular Dystrophy clinic.  Incidentally we bumped into each other in the deep end of the rehab pool and once eye contact was made
we both knew we had met before.  She had mentioned to me a few things as we talked which raised my interest in our meeting one another on this day.  She first said she was glad to have gotten her disease at a later time in her life as opposed to when she was younger, say in her twenties.  As I think about her comment, I reflect upon myself in not having the chance of living a physical youth as she did.  In her case she had at least forty years of exploration of this world, meeting new people on dates, taking walks on the beach, riding horses, and any number of physical activities all without having to think about whether she can do it physically or not.  She knows she will not get better physically and so she learns to enjoy the activities much more instead of
beating herself up over having difficulty with it.  When she said this a bell went off in my head.  I told her that she will get better and think from that.  Accepting my gift of optimism was one she refused to open.  She instead decided to keep the present thinking she has grown to accept and that is she will not get better.  She has accepted this and with a sense of peace.  I must say I
enjoyed listening to her express her peace with the disease.  She was not bitter about her circumstances but rather grateful she was able to live a life of activity at a young age.  She accepted this disease as a product of getting older.  She made a point of conveying to me in a non-verbal way that she was not going to give in to the disease.  She understood that she needed to do some hard work on her own and she was talking about therapy in the pool.  It’s strange that a woman could have such a negative outlook on her disease life in that she will not get better and yet come to the pool to exercise with hopes of maintaining her strength.  It sort of sounded like me in teetering between two sides, one being healing and the other being defeat.  The difference between her and I though is peace.  She is at peace with her life where as I am in conflict with how I use to be physically and where I am now physically and wanting all my hard work to heal me.  She accepts her position in life whereas I am open to the
possibility of healing and will do anything to obtain it.  I believe there is a way to get the strength back and she believes there is not one for her.  Only time will tell whether her way or mine was the right one, but for who is the question.  The chances of overcoming an incurable disease right now are slim to none but I know the cure is out there or maybe in here; it’s just a matter of
finding it.