1-24-97. 20 years old. It is Friday night and I am doing nothing but sitting in my dorm room. I do not know anything lately. My life is heading in some direction and I have no idea where it is going to take me. When I talk to older people who have had longer life experiences than me, there seems to be a theme among them. The theme is that they all had a hard childhood or teenage years. This hardship they experienced during their younger years made them who they are today. For a majority of them, the experience has made them a better person. Hopefully my story will be that way, one that makes me a better person. In the meantime though, I keep feeling as if I am lower than everybody else. I cannot run like everybody else can. I cannot walk up steps without having some difficulty or someone looking at me. Both of these examples leave me with eyes gazed upon me and feelings of embarrassment. I know that there is a lesson in all of this, but I feel that I have my eyes closed to seeing the lesson. I pray that God will soon open them for me and help me see how what I have is a blessing. All of what I am feeling and going through right now with muscular dystrophy will pay off in the long run, I keep telling myself. I must realize that I am someone different from others and I will never be the same as them no matter how hard I try to be or how much I hide from their eyes. The whole reason I am here is to find myself and find a cure for muscular dystrophy. Right now I cannot see it, but I hope that I find what I am looking for.
