1-24-97.  20 years old.  It is Friday night and I am doing nothing but sitting in my dorm room.  I do not know anything lately.  My life is heading in some direction and I have no idea where it is going to take me.  When I talk to older people who have had longer life experiences than me, there seems to be a theme among them.  The theme is that they all had a hard childhood or teenage years.  This hardship they experienced during their younger years made them who they are today.  For a majority of them, the experience has made them a better person.  Hopefully my story will be that way, one that makes me a better person.  In the meantime though, I keep feeling as if I am lower than everybody else.  I cannot run like everybody else can.  I cannot walk up steps without having some difficulty or someone looking at me.  Both of these examples leave me with eyes gazed upon me and feelings of embarrassment.  I know that there is a lesson in all of this, but I feel that I have my eyes closed to seeing the lesson.  I pray that God will soon open them for me and help me see how what I have is a blessing.  All of what I am feeling and going through right now with muscular dystrophy will pay off in the long run, I keep telling myself.  I must realize that I am someone different from others and I will never be the same as them no matter how hard I try to be or how much I hide from their eyes.  The whole reason I am here is to find myself and find a cure for muscular dystrophy.  Right now I cannot see it, but I hope that I find what I am looking for.