2-4-09. 31 years old.
You find yourself in a situation you feel is real. Your body looks the way it does in waking consciousness and may even move in the same fashion. Situations come up and you behave as if you are there and yet you are dreaming.
The other night I had a dream in which I was swimming. I was in sort of a competition with other swimmers. It was time for us to get out of the pool and as I looked around for the exit I noticed a ladder was the only way out. Without hesitation I reached for the ladder and began to climb up it. Once I reached the top of the ladder and out of the pool, all that was left was for me to stand up. At that moment in my dream I remembered “I can’t just stand up”. What I failed to understand was that climbing up the ladder was a movement I had not done in years and was along the same line of “Can’t do” as just standing up and yet I was able too.
What was the difference? The thought was the difference. As I exited the pool via the ladder, the thought never entered my mind as something I cannot do but just simply do it. And I was able too. But when it was time to just stand up I could not. The self defeating thought had entered my mind and prevented me from standing. Now I don’t know why the self defeating thought did not enter as I was exiting the pool. I know some may see this as just a dream or a thought I had about swimming in the past week but I feel it is something deeper. Something deep inside the unconsciousness mind. I was taught, “You are the thoughts you think about all day long” by Dr. Dyer and this got me to thinking. If I walk around in a self defeated attitude and think all day that nothing is ever going to get better then when I sleep those very thoughts will begin to take root in my dreams. And now the thoughts begin to haunt me when I sleep. You see the cycle that begins to develop, depression, doubt, lack of confidence in yourself in both waking and sleeping consciousness. For me the dreams are a direct reflection of my thoughts. The dreams tell me I’m not “there” yet in my thinking. I still believe I can’t and yet part of me believes I can.